A Song for Phineas Pimiscule

Continuing in the vein of filk-blogging books I have read and characters I like, here's "Bully That".  It's about Phineas, the mentor character in E.J. Patten's about-to-be-published epic horror middle reader novel, Return to Exile.

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Bully That (A Song for Phineas Pimiscule)
© 2011 David John Butler

I like the fifty-seven El Dorado
A frock coat always makes the ladies smile
The monocle doesn’t make the desperado
But you must admit it adds a little style

The stakes are just as high as you could ask for
I’m sorry I ever got the boys involved
It’s the kind of dance you’ve got to wear a mask for
But a mystery’s just a riddle I haven’t solved

I’m master of the house and I’m the gardener
I helped the folk of Whimple dress their feet
Death takes us all, according to the Pardoner
Bully that, sometimes you’ve got to cheat

   I’m looking over Exile, and what’s that there I see?
   All of Legend’s Hunters, coming after me
   Traps and riddles, traps and riddles, lies and botany
   Who’s my friend and who’s my enemy?

My shimmering blade’s for fighting, not for eating
Though it’s cut up many a pie of potted meat
Bedlam thinks I’m dead, or else retreating
Bully that, sometimes you’ve got to cheat

I’ve stuffed Barrow Weed up both my nostrils
There’s a burner in the valley down below
A Harrow Knight and twelve Harrow Wight apostles
There’s Foxglove in my gun, I gotta go

   I’m looking over Exile, and what’s that there I see?
   All of Legend’s Hunters, coming after me
   Traps and riddles, traps and riddles, lies and botany
   Who’s my friend and who’s my enemy?

   Yeah, who’s my friend and who?